Compleat Golfer playing editor Brandon Stone takes us into his world to give you an honest perspective of life as a professional golfer.
Dear Readers,
While the majority of the stories I have related have been positive, optimistic and joyful, life isn’t always perfect. Over the past six months, I’ve been going through the toughest period of my life, both on and off the course. So, when I sit and write this column, the January 2023 issue being the first of the new year, I felt it necessary for me to address what happened in 2022.
The year started so well; it did. I was playing good, consistent and professional golf. But during the middle of the season, my golf started to decline. I began struggling for results and I was struggling to score. This put me under a lot of pressure to secure my Tour card for the 2023 season. It took its toll.
I began to doubt myself. I went into dark places. And there’s nothing more harmful to a professional golfer than doubt. Being away from my family for months also made me feel exceptionally lonely. I began to self-isolate. I became a person I didn’t recognise. But the lowest point of the year came in August.
I returned to South Africa to celebrate my grandfather’s 80th birthday. It was also supposed to be a time for me to reset. This was the chance for me to regroup, or ‘reboot’, as people like to say, before the busy end of the season. And while my grandfather’s 80th was amazing, when we celebrated his life and spent time with my family, I wasn’t ready for what came next.
The day after the birthday party, after I had flown back to Pretoria, I received a call that shook my world. My dad told me that my mother had suffered a stroke. She had been taken to the hospital and I needed to get back down to Durban because she might be saying goodbye to this world.
I’m not sure how many of you have received this kind of call. It stuns you. It leaves you motionless and sucks all the joy from your life. That’s all I remember feeling. I rushed to the airport, tears streaming down my face and the uncertainty about my mom’s life breaking my heart.
When I arrived at the hospital I saw my mom. She was fragile, dazed and unrecognisable. And I began to fear the worst. However, the days that followed would change my life forever.
My mother, being the warrior that she is, slowly started to improve. She became stronger and stronger. When she was discharged a few days later, my wife and I stayed at her side. That week with her felt like a blessing I had taken for granted my entire life. And it’s something I vowed to never take for granted again. But I still had a job to do. I still had a job to save.
The next nine weeks of Tour golf for me were pure hell. I played terribly. In fact, the worst golf of my career. I wasn’t ready to be back. To cut a long story short, I failed. I lost my card. I lost my job. But for some reason, I wasn’t hopeless. I was going home. I was going to see my wife. I was going to see my family. And the thought of that gave me more joy that the pain of losing my card.
When I got home I began to heal. I spent time with my wife, going for coffee and walking the dogs. I saw my friends, playing golf and tennis. But the highlight was being able to take my mom, dad and wife to Umzolozolo Safari Lodge for a week in the bush.
It was the happiest I had been in months, perhaps even years. That week in the bush did more for me emotionally than anything I’ve ever done in my career. I began to feel like myself again, while I watched my mother do the same. It was that dose of perspective, that shot of humility that made me realise there are a lot more important things than golf.
I won’t lie to you all. Writing this month’s column was extremely difficult for me. Being vulnerable to you all isn’t something easy for someone like myself. It’s as if I’m emotionally naked and exposing all my inner thoughts. That’s difficult and even risky. Because I have a job where I need to exude confidence and self-belief. But for me to look forward to the 2023 season, without doubt the toughest of my career, I knew I had to get this off my chest.
But there’s one thing I can tell you all for certain. I’m back. I’m hungry. I’m ready to go. Bring on 2023. The year will have four pillars: Spending more time with my lovely wife, spending time with my incredible family, working harder than ever on my golf game and making sure I remain true to myself. These pillars will guide me into the new year. And while I have no guarantee of tournaments and no guarantee of results, I still believe the 2023 season will be something special.
So bring on 2023. I’m ready. Thank you for reading, and the support.
– This article first appeared in the January 2023 issue of Compleat Golfer magazine.
