South Africa’s Christiaan Bezuidenhout shares his remarkable story in the latest of the European Tour’s ‘Players Blog’ series.
Bezuidenhout in his own words:
When I was a baby while playing with friends in the street I drank rat poison in a freak accident. I was two-and-a-half years old and I was playing outside when I picked up a random Coke bottle, I took a drink of it thinking it was indeed Coke, however it actually contained rat poison. It was a moment which would change my life forever.
As a result of that moment of naivety I almost died. The hospital had to pump my stomach to get rid of all the poison, but the poison affected the whole nervous system in my body, and one of the long-term effects of this led to me having a stutter. That stutter would eventually lead me to develop a severe case of anxiety.
I was diagnosed with anxiety by my doctor when I was four years old. This led to me becoming very introverted and depressed. Over the past four or five years it has slowly started to improve and I have felt more self-confident when speaking in front of people, but in previous years I would withdraw myself from everything and everyone.
I was basically just living in my own world because I was always scared of having to engage in conversation with my stutter. When I talked to people, I knew I would struggle and it would take time for me to deliver my words, so I always had a fear of answering the phone, saying my name or being asked a question. I would always withdraw myself from a group because I feared speaking to them. My psychologist helped me a lot to get over that fear and get a lot more self-confidence to put myself out there. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to get rid of a stammer – you just have to learn to adapt and work with the stammer to control it the best you can.
During my junior days I used to dread public speaking which was a requirement when you won a tournament. It is a massive thing for me to have that self-confidence now to be able to stand in front of 100 people and to talk. I went to a psychologist when I was 14 and we worked on how to work with my stutter to be able to have enough confidence to talk in public situations. She gave me beta blockers, a medication that helps reduce your blood pressure and helps to treat anxiety. I used the medication for seven years during my amateur days, which helped me become more confident and enjoy my life again.
In 2014 however, I had a phone call which would have a huge impact on my golf career. I was playing in the British Amateur at Royal Portrush in 2014, when after my first round I handed my scorecard in and was told that I’d been nominated for a drugs test. I went for it and at that time I was using beta blockers for my stutter. I wrote the medication down on the form prior to the drugs test, making no secret of the fact I was using this medication.
Two months later I was back home practising for the Eisenhower Trophy where I would be representing South Africa when one afternoon my Dad phoned me to tell me I needed to come home immediately. I drove straight from practice and he broke the news to me that I had been suspended. I just broke down.
It was awful. I had spent my whole amateur career working to get into that Eisenhower side to represent my nation, it was a huge goal of mine to be selected in the team. To be told two days before the event that I couldn’t go because of a two-year drugs ban was simply too much for me to take in. It felt like my life was over.
The worst part of it all were all the stories that came out from people in the golf industry and supposed close friends back home. I was accused of using it to better my performances, which really hurt me and my family. A lot of nasty things were said and I was known as the guy banned from golf for a drug-related incident. I was aware of how labels like that are hard to shake off and I reached a very low point in my life. I was banned from playing the only thing in the world I loved, the game of golf. I was inconsolable.
After what seemed like the darkest period of my life I had a hearing and they reduced my sentence from two years to nine months after confirming that I had not used the drug for any performance-enhancing benefits. They were the longest nine months of my life, however I eventually turned this into energy to help me come back stronger.
The fact I was cleared of using any form of drug to better my performance was the most important thing. My father, who introduced me to the sport, brought me up to play golf like a gentleman with honesty and integrity, so to have that questioned was very hard to cope with. I felt I had let my family down, which above all else, was the hardest issue to cope with.
In my first event back on a mini-tour in South Africa I won by seven shots. This felt like a real statement to any of my critics that I won tournaments because I was a good golfer. Not because I was a drugs cheat. It felt like a new beginning for me – a life-changing lesson had been learnt and it made me become even more focused to achieve my dreams.
In my first big event as a pro I finished second at the SA Open. I had just got my Sunshine Tour card, so to do so well so early on was great. It gave me experience playing against the best golfers in Europe and made me even more determined to achieve my goals. In 2017 I secured my European Tour card after a season on the Sunshine Tour where I won Rookie of the Year.
I retained my card in the 2018 season and had some solid results, however I still feel I have so much more to come. It’s been a huge learning process. I’ve made mistakes, but every tournament that passes I learn more and the next goal for me is to win on the European Tour, qualify for Majors and I would love to be heading to Portrush this summer.
